Newcastle 4-1 Man United: Harvey Barnes scores twice in a second-half blitz as Magpies thrash Ruben Amorim's side to go fourth

• Newcastle ran riot in the absence of Eddie Howe, with Barnes scoring twice
• Dropping Andre Onana only led to more problems for Amorim's Man United 
• LISTEN NOW: It's All Kicking Off! Chris Sutton and Ian Ladyman debate the manager of the season awards... who is the best and worst? 

Not even the dropped Andre Onana has conceded four goals this season. And so, by discarding the frying pan, Ruben Amorim instead lit a fire between Manchester United’s goalposts.

Their Premier League campaign went up in smoke a long time ago, but this was a particularly charring afternoon - their worst defeat in the top-flight and yet another contender for worst performance, albeit in a competitive field.

Things got too hot for Onana following his clumsy pre-match comments and just as clumsy mistakes during Thursday’s 2-2 draw in Lyon. But if he is the pantomime villain, his understudy arrived with face paint and a curly wig.

Altay Bayindir was making his first top-flight appearance, and it could yet be his last. 

He gifted Newcastle their fourth goal with an errant kick and did not get close to the other three, even if he was left exposed by those in front of him. It was clear from the off, though, that the Turk’s kicking did not instil any confidence in his team-mates. When they’re low on belief to begin with, that is a recipe for disaster.

But as bad as the visitors were, Newcastle cooked up a performance to warm the heart of their manager Eddie Howe, hospitalised nearby after being admitted on Friday night.

Two-goal Harvey Barnes produced his best in black and white. Sandro Tonali scored a stunning goal that was matched by another gladiatorial display. He is Newcastle’s sword and shield right now. And skipper Bruno Guimaraes gave substance to home chants of ‘There’s only one Bruno’ with the fourth. 

Bruno Fernandes shook his fellow captain’s hand when he was substituted soon after, but the Portuguese had spent much of the game shaking his head. He is a wilting rose amid thorns.

Amorim later said that their display was a reflection of their league position. That feels unfair on teams who usually finish 14th - this version of Man United should be lower. Note that Newcastle have bettered this scoreline only twice this season, and those 4-0 wins were over Ipswich and Leicester.

Man United did score a good goal courtesy of Alejandro Garnacho to draw level before half-time, but provider Diogo Dalot undid that fine work by not doing any work at all in preventing Newcastle’s second. He showed Tino Livramento where he wanted him to go. The only problem was that the route offered was straight past him and into the penalty area. From there he crossed and Jacob Murphy pulled back for Barnes to turn in his first.

If you were being kind, you could say Man United were saving themselves for the return leg against Lyon. It matters more in the context of their season. But half of this lot won’t be starting on Thursday. And, if they had been, they may not be now.

Afterwards, Amorim was thrown a bone by a question suggesting his side had at least created a few chances. It was clutching at straws the same way his goalkeepers do crosses.

‘At this moment, it’s hard to have any good feeling about this,’ he said, instead preferring to lick his wounds. He will feel even worse when he watches it all back again.

Howe did not have to be present for the muscle memory he has drilled into his players to prove far too strong for this weak and wayward iteration of Man United.

The last time he missed a Newcastle game, because of Covid-19, it was his first. He wore a club tracksuit in his hotel room whilst directing affairs during a 3-3 draw with Brentford. This time, he was not well enough to contribute.

You would have thought he had given the team-talk, however, by the manner in which his team started. ‘They want a fast game? Let’s f***ing give it to them,’ he told his players before a 2-0 win over the same opposition in 2023.

Super-charged, no doubt, by the emotion of Howe’s absence, Newcastle began as if determined to send a get-well-soon cheer across the city as quickly as possible. Man United were flummoxed, which they can be in any minute of any game, and an offside flag denied Joelinton that early goal.

They had to wait until the 24th minute for the opener, but it was sort of goal fans would wait 24 hours to enjoy. There was much debate as to whether Tonali meant his winner against Brentford last time out at St James’, a cross-shot from the touchline. He meant this one. Alexander Isak’s set-up deserved a goal - a cute lift in behind Leny Yoro - and Tonali did not disappoint. 

Howe says he often fears for his goalkeeper’s wrists in training, such is the power of the Italian’s strike. If only Bayindir’s wrists, palms or toes could have got anywhere near this volley, dispatched with equal venom and precision.

Man United then invited Tonali to shoot from 25 yards moments later, which felt like asking a piranha to look after your fingers. They escaped by a matter of inches when the effort shaved the post, but the hosts could smell blood in the water. 

It was a surprise, then, when the visitors broke and equalised in the 37th minute. Dalot opened his legs and opened Newcastle’s defence with a reverse pass to Garnacho, who poked in via the base of the post.

But Newcastle, under the care of Jason Tindall, did not afford them any such space after the break. The same could not be said of Man United. Within four minutes of the restart the home lead was restored when Livramento skipped by Dalot, leading to Barnes’ close-range conversion. Where were Yoro and Victor Lindelof?

The centre-backs were still on the missing list when Barnes strode through for his second, pouncing on a slip by Noussair Mazraoui before exploiting the gap in the defence and finding the top corner.

Bayindir then tried something he probably shouldn’t have, a clever chip into midfield. It wasn’t very smart at all and Joelinton intercepted with a header that found Guimaraes, and he finished beyond the forlorn keeper.

Howe was watching, Tindall later confirmed, and the win would have lifted his spirts, especially as it lifted his side to fourth. Amorim, meanwhile, was the one left feeling sick.