Wednesday review: Netflix’s grisly answer to Hogwarts is packed full of gore, gags and superstar cameos, says CHRISTOPHER STEVENS
[Four Stars]
Serial killers and stalkers are not an adolescent girl's worst nightmare. Wednesday Addams positively relishes hers.
But her loved-up parents set her flesh crawling and her eyeballs popping.
Tim Burton's gruesome schooldays story Wednesday returns with a running joke to make any teenager's toes curl. Mr and Mrs Addams (Luis Guzman and Catherine Zeta-Jones) can hardly keep their hands off each other. 'Cara bella,' he coos, as she gazes into his eyes.
Mum! Dad! Stop it!
If that's icky for younger viewers, some of the macabre imagery in this gothic comedy adventure is a little strong too. In a scene inspired by The Birds, a private detective is attacked by crows – and has his eyeballs pecked out. That didn't happen to Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock's original.
And when Wednesday (Jenna Ortega) reaches into her pocket to find a letter hidden there by a murderous prowler, she slices her hand open. Razor blades have been glued into the folds of the paper.
Serial killers and stalkers are not an adolescent girl's worst nightmare. Wednesday Addams positively relishes hers (Jenna Ortega pictured)
Tim Burton 's gruesome schooldays story Wednesday returns with a running joke to make any teenager's toes curl (Joanna Lumley pictured)
If that's icky for younger viewers, some of the macabre imagery in this gothic comedy adventure is a little strong too
Unless these sadistic touches prove too much, fans of Harry Potter will love Wednesday – an old-fashioned boarding school story at heart.
Like Hogwarts, Nevermore Academy is a remote castle where children with magical abilities learn to develop their powers.
Some are werewolves, others are gorgons who can turn victims to stone. Wednesday can move objects with her mind and has psychic visions, but that's tame compared to her younger brother, Pugsley (Isaac Ordonez). He can bring the dead to life with a touch.
Burton indulges his fetish for spooky animations, inserting a dark fairytale about a boy with a clockwork heart into the first episode.
It's lavishly done, as is all the cinematography. Never mind a widescreen telly, you need an Imax to do justice to this.
But the most spectacular attraction is the superstar cast, which this time includes Steve Buscemi as the school's cheesy, smarmy head teacher, Principal Dort. Billie Piper joins the teaching faculty too, playing a flamboyant music mistress.
The juiciest cameo goes to Dame Joanna Lumley, Wednesday's grandmama, who has turned the Addams family obsession with the morbid into a career. She's a funeral director – her motto, 'Death never takes a holiday so neither do I.'
La Lumley attempts an American accent for a couple of lines, before abandoning the idea. She gets the creepiest joke, though: 'You know what I say about feelings – bury them deep inside and allow them to eat away at you.'
In a scene inspired by The Birds, a private detective is attacked by crows – and has his eyeballs pecked out. That didn't happen to Tippi Hedren in Hitchcock's original
And when Wednesday (Jenna Ortega ) reaches into her pocket to find a letter hidden there by a murderous prowler, she slices her hand open (Catherine Zeta Jones pictured)
But the most spectacular attraction is the superstar cast, which this time includes Steve Buscemi as the school's cheesy, smarmy head teacher, Principal Dort (Billie Piper pictured)
The juiciest cameo goes to Dame Joanna Lumley, Wednesday's grandmama, who has turned the Addams family obsession with the morbid into a career
For those who aren't watching simply to wallow in the grotesquerie, some of the gags are a treat. At an airport, Wednesday sets off the metal detector, and proceeds to unload an arsenal of knives, knuckledusters, nunchucks and other nasties from her overcoat.
Asked to explain herself, she retorts, 'Cramming hundreds of people into a metal tube flying through the air creates some sort of utopia where weapons aren't needed?'
Well, when you put it like that...
Swift exit of the night: Ever since Claudia Winkleman introduced this cruel twist on The Traitors, every game show opens by eliminating players before the contest even begins. Destination X did it last week, and now The Fortune Hotel (ITV) follows suit. Too predictable.
Meanwhile Lady Gaga's forthcoming single in support of season two of the Netflix series Wednesday will borrow from one of her biggest hits.
The 39-year-old pop star will have a small role in the imminent installment of the show, and last year she recorded an accompanying musical component — a track called Dead Dance.
A source shared with The Sun that the tune samples Gaga's hit Abracadabra, off her latest album Mayhem, which she is currently touring.
'It has already been a massive year for Gaga but she's never been one to rest on her laurels. Dead Dance is all ready to go and fans will love it.
Swift exit of the night: Destination X did it last week, and now The Fortune Hotel (ITV, pictured) follows suit. Too predictable
'It's another classic dark pop tune and while it's been made for Wednesday, it perfectly fits into the world of Mayhem,' the insider revealed.
According to the publication, one lyric the music artist sings in Dead Dance is: 'When you killed me inside, that's when I came alive.'
Per the site, Dead Dance already has a choreographed dance routine that Wednesday producers hope will go viral on social media.
Wednesday part one is streaming on Netflix now, while the second follows September third.
