BRYONY GORDON: When I opened up about my Binge Eating Disorder I got a message that made me feel deeply uncomfortable - until I realised the truth about something millions do without question
Trigger warning: this column contains discussion of trigger warnings.
I’ve done this for your own good, because, if you’re anything like me, the merest mention of these things will send you into a rage, and very possibly cause you to break out in a fevered rash.
Indeed, I have such a loathing of trigger warnings that I point-blank refuse to watch anything with them. It’s not the content that offends me, more the idea that those who have made the film/play/TV programme are somehow responsible for my well-being, while I remain powerless to look after myself.
It’s a rule of mine not to put trigger warnings on things – and one that surprises people, given I’ve made my name as a mental health campaigner and trigger warnings are meant to help protect mental health. But I don’t think they do help. In fact, it’s my opinion they can actually make people’s mental health worse.
I mention these two dreaded words only as a theatre director has been making some interesting points, which lead me to believe we need to do away with trigger warnings altogether.
Eline Arbo, who is currently directing Gina McKee and Romola Garai in The Years at London’s Almeida Theatre, suggested trigger warnings might make audiences more likely to react to graphic material, rather than helping to prepare them.
In The Years, there’s a depiction of a backstreet abortion, one that has caused the production to be interrupted on a number of occasions after audience members felt faint.
This has puzzled Arbo, as when she put on The Years at The Hague in 2022, the scene caused zero fainting. Is it because the Dutch have stronger stomachs? Nope. Arbo believes the more measured response was because she didn’t put a trigger warning on that production.
Theatre director Eline Arbo says trigger warnings might make audiences more likely to react to graphic material
‘My experience is that there’s more reactions than if you don’t have these,’ said Arbo in an interview with the Financial Times. ‘It’s the theatre’s way of giving an excuse for itself, but then you [the audience] are so aware of it that it enhances the feeling of uncomfortableness.’
If only others were as sensible. I was disappointed to read that the author Joanne Harris has decided to put them on her books – after all, isn’t the point of great fiction to be a bit triggered by it? Worse still was the news this week that ITV has chosen to put an advisory on the work of the late Victoria Wood, a woman whose comedy has been a balm to so many.
There’s a serious side to this. A few years ago, I made the decision to speak publicly about Binge Eating Disorder (BED). I didn’t do this lightly. I was horribly ashamed of this eating disorder, and that shame was what prompted me, in part, to write about it.
Shame drives most mental illnesses, and it’s only by exposing that shame to the light that we start to get better. It was a shock, then, when I started to receive upset messages on Instagram. ‘Your video on BED came up in my feed this morning and I found it very triggering to my eating disorder,’ wrote one person. ‘Please educate yourself and do better.’
I felt terrible I’d inadvertently made someone else feel terrible, and duly started to put trigger warnings on my posts. But every time I saw those words, or the acronym TW (as is common on social media) I felt a deep sense of discomfort. It felt somehow disingenuous; another layer of shame to dismantle.
I’d been taught by therapists to confront issues that triggered me, rather than ignoring them; I knew the key to emotional wellness comes through acceptance rather than avoidance. As a very sensible, sober friend in recovery said to me one day: ‘I find life triggering, generally, but how do you slap a trigger warning on the world? You need to learn to deal with life on life’s terms, not yours.’ That was when I realised I had to dump trigger warnings because of my mental health work, rather than in spite of it.
Because, while it’s not your fault you’re suffering from a mental illness, or have experienced trauma, it is your responsibility to attempt to recover from it. The wisest life coaches will all tell you that trying to control anyone other than yourself is a one-way ticket to madness.
Asking directors to put trigger warnings on plays, when you could Google it before buying tickets, is not taking responsibility for your own recovery. Messaging a mental health campaigner to tell them off for not putting trigger warnings on their posts, when you could just unfollow them or, better still, switch off social media entirely, is not taking responsibility for your own recovery.
I’ve learnt, too, that while avoiding the things that trigger us might offer short-term relief, this is often at the expense of long-term wellness. In my experience, seeking out stories about the dark things I’ve been through has only ever made me feel stronger and less alone.
So the next time you want to demand a warning because you feel triggered, ask yourself: is this really a moment to be offended, or is it an opportunity to face your greatest fears, and work towards a life where they no longer have the power to trigger you?
Kate’s more than what she wears!
If we all focused more on what Kate was saying, rather than what she was wearing, I reckon the world would be a much better place
Can I congratulate the Princess of Wales on deciding not to share the details of her wardrobe with the world any more?
It’s infantilising to prioritise Catherine’s clothes over her brilliant campaign to boost public understanding of early childhood.
Having met the Princess a couple of times, I can confirm she’s no silly fashionista, but a serious, quiet woman who really cares about child mental health.
If we all focused more on what she was saying, rather than what she was wearing, I reckon the world would be a much better place.
Zero alcohol is not for me
How amazing that sales of non-alcoholic drinks were higher in December than during Dry January.
It’s proof that booze is losing its hold on us. But while zero-alcohol beer is great for the sober curious, I’d exercise caution if you think you might be addicted.
When I first got sober, I drank eight non-alcoholic Heinekens in a row, and realised that my next step, if I wasn’t careful, was a real beer. As a wise friend said: non-alcoholic drinks are for non-alcoholics!
A new survey claims a quarter of people would let their other half have a one-night stand with their celeb crush. The poll found 63 per cent openly discuss their ‘fantasy flings’ with one another – but I reckon there’s another name for it: ethical non-monogamy, for the boomer generation!
My lucky escape from Holly’s Bear Hunt
Holly Willoughby at a special screening of Netflix’s new show Celebrity Bear Hunt this week
Yet, watching the first episode this week, I felt extremely relieved that a meeting I had last year with the show’s producers went no further.
They mentioned being hunted by Bear Grylls in a jungle, and possibly having to hang out with crocodiles. But given Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen recently admitted he ‘nearly died’ on the new show, I think I had a lucky escape!
Mornings? They’re terrifying
Research published in the BMJ Mental Health journal has shown that people are happier in the mornings, with the worst moods occurring around midnight. I find the opposite is true – I wake up terrified about the day ahead, becoming less anxious as I tick things off my to do list, until I reach a state of nirvana at around 9pm, when I promptly fall asleep so I can prepare for the whole horrifying ordeal again. Happy days!
