Do you know what this corporate gibberish really means? Pit yourself against the AI that translates gobbledygook

By SHIVALI BEST, SCIENCE & TECHNOLOGY EDITOR

Published: | Updated:

If you use LinkedIn, you've probably noticed a surge in smarmy posts littering your feed. 

From not-so-humble brags about minor achievements to misleading claims about 'work-life balance', these posts have turned the once-useful networking platform into a stage for curated self-congratulation.

To help you sift through the nonsense, the team at Kagi Translate have developed a corporate gibberish translator. 

The translator uses AI to reveal what words and phrases you see across LinkedIn really mean.

To test the tool, the Daily Mail fed it ten elaborate posts, which you may see on LinkedIn.

According to the bot, a post claiming that someone is 'grateful to be surrounded by builders, not spectators,' translates to: 'I'm desperately trying to sound important by hanging out with people who actually do things.'

Meanwhile, if someone claims you should 'invest in relationships, not transactions,' this really means: 'Stop calling people you don't actually like just because you might need a favor later.'

And if you hear someone slating the idea of a 'work-life balance', it probably means they have no life, according to the bot.

Vladimir Prelovac, Kagi's founder and CEO, says he was inspired to create the tool after noticing a surge in jargon on LinkedIn.  

'LinkedIn has developed its own dialect at this point, complete with grammar, idioms and emotional conventions that would be unrecognisable to someone from even 15 years ago,' he told The Times.

'The humblebrags, the emoji cadence, the inspirational sign-offs… it also translates in reverse, decoding a wall of buzzwords back into plain English. That might actually be the more useful direction.

'The world is a stressful place right now and I guess we all need a laugh.'

To try it yourself here, enter any corporate jargon into the 'LinkedIn Speak' section, and its true meaning will be revealed on the 'English' side. 

What's more, the tool can do this in reverse.

You can also type simple expressions into the 'English' side, and the bot will transform them into a lengthy post, just like those you see plastered all over LinkedIn.

To test the bot, the Daily Mail also fed it 25 common corporate terms (scroll down for the full list). 

According to the bot, 'synergy' means 'working together becase we have to', while 'touch base' means 'I'm going to bother you again'. 

If a LinkedIn post mentions 'low hanging fruit', it really means 'the easiest possible s*** we can do so it looks like we're actually busy'. 

But if it talking about 'boiling the ocean', it suggests 'wasting a massive amount of time on a project that's way too big and will never actually happen.'

A 'dumpster fire' is a total disaster that everyone is pretending is a 'learning opportunity.' 

And if a post talks about 'moving the goal posts', it suggests 'changing the rules because we actually hit the targets you set, and now you don't want to pay out the bonuses'.

Finally, if someone mentions putting a 'pin in it', this secretly means they're 'ignoring this until I can't anymore'.  

Kagi Translate also features several other amusing languages such as Reddit Speak, Pirate Speak and Emoji Speak. 

When a pirate gets a divorce, he might say: 'Me wench be gone, and I be sailin' these dark waters all by me lonesome.' 

LinkedIn has long been the subject of ridicule but calls itself the 'largest professional network' with more than a billion people on the platform since its launch in 2003

LinkedIn has long been the subject of ridicule but calls itself the 'largest professional network' with more than a billion people on the platform since its launch in 2003

LinkedIn has long been the subject of ridicule but calls itself the 'largest professional network' with more than a billion people on the platform since its launch in 2003.

There is even a Reddit forum called LinkedInLunatics and an Instagram account called Bestoflinkedin.

Andy Foote, a LinkedIn expert who advises people on their profiles, told The Times that using this type of language seriously might not be the best move.

He said: 'I think people who communicate using 'LinkedIn speak' are clearly bad at marketing themselves and potentially prolonging their job hunt by being publicly inept.'

What corporate jargon really means, according to the bot

Circle back: I'm ignoring this until I absolutely have to deal with it.

Run it up the flagpole: See if anyone is dumb enough to actually go for this.

Drink the Kool–Aid: I've completely lost my mind and bought into all the corporate bull****.

Synergy: Working together because we have to.

Touch base: I'm going to bother you again.

Take this offline: Shut up and never mention this again.

Low hanging fruit: The easiest possible s*** we can do so it looks like we're actually busy.

Boil the ocean: Waste a massive amount of time on a project that's way too big and will never actually happen.

Blue sky thinking: Wasting time on expensive fantasies that will never actually happen.

Moving the needle: Doing the bare minimum to justify my salary.

30,000ft view: I have no idea what's actually happening on the ground.

Close the loop: Just finish the damn thing so I can stop thinking about it. 

Full disclosure: I'm about to overshare something to make myself look humble or relatable. 

Hard stop: I'm leaving at five on the dot because I'm done with this place for the day.

Mind meld: We're just going to sit in a room and talk until we're both equally exhausted. 

Mission critical: If this fails, I'm getting fired. 

Above my paygrade: I don't get paid enough to care about this shit. 

Ducks in a row: I'm trying to look organized so nobody notices I have no idea what I'm doing. 

Dumpster fire: A total disaster that everyone is pretending is a 'learning opportunity.'

Herding cats: Trying to manage a bunch of idiots who won't listen to a word I say. 

Moving the goal posts: You're changing the rules because we actually hit the targets you set, and now you don't want to pay out the bonuses. 

Reinvent the wheel: Wasting time on something that already works. 

Throw under the bus: Blame someone else so I don't look like the idiot who f***** up. 

Trim the fat: Fire people. 

You're crushing it: You're making the company a lot of money while I work you into the ground. 

New York Times

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