My marriage looked happy from the outside but I've never felt so alone. Now I'm a divorce coach... these are the hidden signs YOUR relationship is doomed
If you feel your relationship might be headed for a split, it's natural to want to save it.
But according to an award-winning divorce coach, there are some subtle signs that can tell you your romance is beyond repair, and it might be time to call it quits.
Jennie Sutton has spent years helping people recognize when their marriage is over.
Speaking with the Daily Mail, she broke down those hidden clues you can look out for to get a sense of whether things are too far gone.
'When a marriage is in trouble, the signs aren't always obvious, in fact your relationship could be in dire straits without you even realizing it,' Sutton explained.
'Not all couples break up because of explosive arguments. It's [the] spouses [that] quietly withdraw from each other or avoid conflict who are the most doomed.'
Sutton said that over the past five years she's spent working with hundreds of clients, she has seen, 'time and again, the real causes of marriage breakdown.'
It was Sutton's own painful divorce after 30 years of marriage that inspired her to start her company, Untying the Knot, in a bid to help other women avoid going through something similar.
Award-winning divorce coach Jennie Sutton has spent years helping people recognize when their marriage is over
'[My marriage] looked happy and stable from the outside. But inside I felt isolated and alone,' she said.
'I pledged then to help other women navigate these "maybe years" - the painful period of indecision before asking for a divorce.'
Here are the often discreet indications that it's time to file for divorce or breakup with your significant other, according to the expert.
You relax when they leave the room
You may think you're enjoying time with your partner, but then when they leave the room, you suddenly feel your body relax.
It's an often very subtle, but very telling reaction, Sutton explained.
'This kind of physical reaction develops after years of unpredictable behavior, from watching your partner's tone [to] reading their facial expression,' she said.
'Perhaps you've spent years bracing yourself for the next emotional withdrawal, loud conflict or even silent stonewalling.
She shared the subtle signs that your romance is beyond repair
'You've learned that your peace depends on you staying small and still - and your body learns these patterns long before your mind puts words to the experience.'
You get along but you feel lonely
Many times people associate breakups with explosive fights or cheating, but Sutton said it's often much more tenuous than that.
Maybe you get along fine, but you feel lonely even when you're around your partner. If so, it might be time to say goodbye.
'On the surface, things seem settled - there's no conflict in the relationship and you function well together - but you're not flourishing,' she explained.
'You've stopped asking for more, not because you don't need any more but because when you've asked, it was met with no response. Over time, hope has turned into acceptance.'
Rather than glaring problems or dramatic turning points, Sutton said one might develop 'a sense of emptiness.'
'This is often dismissed,' she added. 'But emptiness isn't natural in a relationship - it's a signal, and crucial information not to be ignored.'
Many times people associate breakups with explosive fights or cheating, but Sutton said it's often much more subtle than that
You feel like you have to constantly read the room
If reading the room, monitoring moods and adjusting your timing, tone and language around your partner has become your normal, Sutton said your relationship is likely no longer in a healthy place.
'Perhaps you skirt around the edges or avoid certain topics altogether out of fear of their reaction,' she said.
'This isn't intimacy, it's behavioral management. When one person is always anticipating the other's reactions the relationship becomes about maintenance rather than connection.'
You don't argue anymore
Sometimes, according to Sutton, arguing with a partner can actually be a good sign because it means there's still passion in the relationship.
But when you stop arguing, that usually means you don't care enough anymore to fight for what you want.
'Fewer arguments [means] less expression,' the expert said.
'[It means] you hold your desires quietly to your heart and you censor parts of your communication because it feels safer to minimize yourself.'
You're already grieving the relationship
A lot of times, people don't realize that they've already started to grieve their relationship before it's actually over.
According to Sutton, it is not a good sign if you find yourself missing the way things used to be with your partner or no longer dreaming of future plans together.
'You have quietly let go of certain hopes and you no longer imagine the future the same way,' she explained.
'You haven't said it out loud, but you have accepted that some things will never change.
'You have mourned the relationship alone and have [subconsciously] reached the conclusion that it's over. Once grief has been fully processed in isolation, rekindling connection is rare.'
According to the expert, if the 'fear of leaving' is the only thing holding you in a relationship, it's time to go
You're waiting for the push to leave
Sutton said that people often know deep down when things are going wrong in their relationship, but want to wait for something dramatic to happen to push them to finally end it.
'You want your partner to cross a line so you truly know what to do. But trust your gut - you don't need a smoking gun to justify your actions,' she said.
'You are waiting for something extreme to justify leaving, instead of listening to what your intuition has been saying, probably for years.'
Other times, Sutton said that people choose to stay in a doomed romance because it feels safer than starting over.
She pointed out that familiarity feels comforting, even when it hurts, while leaving means 'headache-inducing logistics,' hard conversations and uncertainty for your future - all of which can be terrifying.
But according to the expert, if the 'fear of leaving' is the only thing holding you in a relationship, it's time to go.
