Nothing could stop my blackout drinking... Now I'm 43 and thriving after trying this neuroscience-backed AA alternative
On the outside, Sonia Milne was the life of the party - the crazy, fun, outgoing one.
But behind closed doors, another story was unfolding.
Sonia, who hails from South Africa but now lives in the UK, struggled with alcohol addiction for three decades.
'Alcohol has been part of my life for as long as I can remember,' Sonia, 43, told the Daily Mail.
'Drinking has been like a family heirloom. It was always there in my upbringing.'
Sonia started drinking with friends at age 13. She doesn't remember exactly what she drank, but she clearly remembers the feeling of escapism, release and euphoria.
'I grew up in a very hostile environment so drinking for me became a way to escape from the chaos,' she said.
'My father had a bar at home which was always full of alcohol. I started drinking his vodka and would refill the bottle with water to hide how much I had taken.'
Sonia Milne, who hails from South Africa but now lives in the UK, struggled with alcohol addiction for three decades
Even then, she was drinking with the intent to numb herself and bury her emotions.
As the eldest of three, she tried to be the 'mother' to her younger siblings, which meant she carried a heavy sense of responsibility from a young age.
Even as a teenager, her relationship with alcohol was less about experimentation and more about coping with childhood trauma.
She suffered from anxiety and depression, and drinking gave her some reprieve from both.
At 16, she started using marijuana socially with friends. By 18, she had started taking party drugs, including cocaine, MDMA and ketamine.
Still, alcohol remained her drug of choice.
From there, her addiction escalated. By the time she was in her early 20s, Sonia was drinking heavily three to four days a week.
When she wasn't drinking, Sonia was always thinking about her next drink - including when she was at work.
In her 20s, a mortifying incident at a friend's party was an early wake‑up call about her drinking
She first realised she had a problem when she humiliated herself at a friend's party.
During the speeches, she grabbed the microphone out of the host's father's hands while he was speaking.
'I gave a train-wreck speech that nobody could really understand, then dramatically dropped the mic and walked out of the hall,' she said.
The rest of the night was a complete blackout for her. The following morning, she woke up filled with regret and covered in unexplained bruises.
That mortifying incident pushed her to attend her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
But when she got there, she looked around the room and felt 'too young'.
'Most people there were in their 40s, 50s and 60s, so I felt like I still had years before I needed help or to worry about it,' she said.
'That first attempt at sobriety was a bit of a joke,' added Sonia.
'With the friends I was going [to AA] with, we'd snort lines of cocaine before meetings and smoke a blunt on the way home.'
For the next few years, Sonia drank daily, often to the point of blackout.
She would go to parties with enough alcohol for four or more people, but would drink it all herself. 'Nine times out of 10, if I was still standing by the end of the night, I'd go and get more,' she said.
Sonia was drinking at home alone, too. Sometimes she would polish off three bottles of wine, or a bottle of vodka, during a single session.
At 27, she managed a year of sobriety, but it didn't stick.
'I relapsed again and every time I drank, I did so like an alcoholic. It consumed me,' she said.
'But admitting to yourself [you're an alcoholic] is like admitting defeat, so you push it to the back of your mind and carry on. You're stuck in a vicious pattern.'
By her 30s and into her 40s, Sonia had slipped into a pattern of what she describes as functioning alcoholism.
She managed to hold down an administration job while planning her days around drinking. She'd spend all day craving alcohol, counting down the minutes to 5pm when she could acceptably have one.
Her tolerance was sky high, meaning she had to drink extraordinary volumes to achieve the same effect. Her mental health worsened.
Meanwhile, the ritual of buying alcohol became a source of daily embarrassment - a common experience among problem drinkers.
'On my way home from work, I would stop by the shops to pick up more alcohol. I'd rotate through different shops so they didn't think I had a problem. It all became a mental game.'
The pandemic escalated Sonia's drinking.
'I think for a lot of people the lockdowns made it worse. Alcohol accelerates anxiety and depression. I was fuelling it. I was making it worse by drinking more,' she said.
Sonia (pictured today) was able to turn her life around after discovering an app called Reframe
By May last year, Sonia's anxiety and depression were 'running the show'. Her life, she says, had become completely unmanageable.
In a moment of madness, she tried to take her own life.
'I was at breaking point; I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I felt like I couldn't escape and the addiction had a strong grip over me,' she said.
'I was disgusted with myself. I woke up crying and told myself, "You're not going to drink anymore." Then on the way home, I'd buy more alcohol.'
One night, while scrolling through her phone during a drinking session, Sonia spotted an ad for Reframe - a neuroscience-based app designed to help people cut down or quit alcohol altogether.
The app blends education, daily guidance and practical support, offering features like habit tracking, community forums, one-on-one coaching and group meetings.
After the rooms of AA were unable to help her curb the habit, Sonia knew Reframe had arrived at exactly the right moment.
But she wasn't quite ready to begin her sober journey. 'I did what any self-respecting alcoholic does, and I promised myself one last blowout - one last party,' she said.
Sonia locked herself in her house, drinking litre bottles of vodka until she reached oblivion. She emerged from the blur three days later and vowed: 'Never again.'
She opened the Reframe app.
From that day - eight months ago - she hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol.
'It's saved my life,' she said.
In contrast to the moralising, black-and-white thinking of AA, Reframe has helped Sonia to learn about the science behind addiction and alcohol cravings, while developing practical strategies to manage temptation.
With ongoing guidance and a supportive community always in her pocket, she has been able to change her relationship with alcohol, rebuild her mental health, and regain control of her life.
Today, she credits Reframe - a subscription app that costs about US$100 per year - with helping her move from survival mode to stability and hope, giving her the tools she needed to recover.
'When you're in the clutches of addiction, all you think about is your next drink. You don't notice life around you: the birds singing, the squirrel running by. You're not present,' Sonia said.
'When I stopped drinking, I started living. I started learning things about myself I didn't know were there.'
Sonia has now been sober for eight months
Now Sonia feels equipped with the tools she needs to maintain her sobriety - including during social situations and when people ask why she's not drinking.
She hopes her story serves as someone else's survival guide: proof that even after years of shame and daily alcoholic drinking, you can start over.
'You don't have to hit "rock bottom" to change. The moment you realise your drinking or using is a problem is enough to start changing,' she said.
'Admitting defeat is actually winning. Acknowledging "I have a problem" and "my life is unmanageable" is not weakness - it's the key that opens the door to recovery.
'Suffering in silence is far more dangerous than saying, "I need help."'
