I was drinking two bottles of wine a night... Then three simple rules took willpower out of the equation - I could finally stop after just one glass
For years, Heidi Anderson lived a double life.
To her listeners, she was the bubbly, confident voice behind the mic - a larger-than-life radio personality lighting up the airwaves.
But behind closed doors, she was drowning in alcohol, anxiety and shame.
It was a vicious cycle. She drank because she felt anxious, but drinking caused yet more anxiety.
'I'd get home from work and think, 'I shouldn't have said that,'' Heidi, now 41, says.
'I'd beat myself up. Alcohol helped me switch off - but the next day, the noise in my head was deafening.'
Growing up in Bathurst, New South Wales, binge drinking was normalised. Heidi learned early that alcohol could quiet her darkest thoughts.
'I loved drunk Heidi. She didn't care what people thought. Sober Heidi couldn't switch off,' she admits.
Heidi Anderson was a mess behind closed doors, even as her media career was thriving
While living in London in her 20s, Heidi threw herself into the party scene
At 21, she moved to the UK and threw herself into the party scene. Weekends were a blur of bars, sleeping with strangers, and self-destruction. 'I was loud — it was a defence mechanism,' she says.
'Inside, I hated myself. I thought I was the 'funny, fat friend' no one wanted.'
After four years abroad, Heidi returned to Australia and was diagnosed with anxiety. But at the same time, her career was taking off.
She landed her dream job as a radio host in Bunbury, Western Australia, and in 2013, reached a national audience as a housemate on Big Brother.
That led to a high-profile gig in Perth on the Heidi, Will and Woody show - and the pressure just piled on.
'I kept telling myself, 'This is your dream job - get your s*** together,' but I didn't know how to handle it.'
As her profile grew, so did her dependence on alcohol.
Her 20s were awash in red wine, white wine, vodka - anything to silence the noise. 'Working in radio, your personality is your talent. You want everyone to like you.'
After four years abroad, Heidi (pictured in her 20s) moved back to Australia and was diagnosed with anxiety. The following year she landed her dream job as a radio host in Bunbury, WA
By 2018, at the height of her career, Heidi was drinking one to two bottles of wine a night
By 2016, Heidi hit rock bottom. 'There were days I couldn't move. I'd cry in the shower and my husband would have to help me up. I couldn't regulate myself - or explain it.'
Heidi would spend nights replaying conversations and questioning her performance in her new job.
Am I funny enough? Good enough? Should I have said that?
Waking up every morning feeling hungover and anxious, Heidi would promise herself she wouldn't drink - then by late afternoon, she'd be pouring the first of many glasses of red wine.
'You're stiff and rigid from stress. Then you drink and feel free,' she says.
That October, Heidi did something brave. Live on breakfast radio, she told 300,000 listeners the truth: she had chronic anxiety and was self-medicating with alcohol. Her voice cracked. Her hands shook. But the response was overwhelming - listeners rallied around her.
'It's still one of the best things I've ever done,' she says.
Heidi made the decision to go to therapy and tried her hardest to manage her anxiety without booze. But despite her bare-faced honesty on radio, it wasn't enough.
By 2018, at the peak of her career, she was drinking one to two bottles of wine a night.
'I felt bloated, heavy, ashamed,' she says.
Later that year, Heidi made a decision that changed everything: she quit drinking for six months.
'The first few weeks were really hard,' she says. 'But then I had so much clarity and peace.'
In her book Drunk on Confidence, Heidi wrote: 'When I was sober, I discovered balance. I saw so many benefits in my life, and I had never felt more comfortable in my own skin.'
She realised her drinking was rooted in social anxiety.
'I wasn't as confident as I believed. Booze gave me a false sense of identity and security. I was petrified of judgement and small talk.'
Without alcohol, she turned to sugar to cope — until a naturopath urged her to quit that, too. She then began journaling, meditating daily, and learning more about herself than ever before.
'Meditation became my saving grace,' she says. 'I still use it today.'
Eventually, she found a healthier relationship with alcohol. 'I realised I could stop after one or two. And I did.'
In 2019, Heidi became a mother and left her radio career behind. Isolated from family during Covid, she found herself reaching for wine again. 'I slipped back into having a wine or two at the end of the day to relax,' she says.
'It felt like comfort in a glass.'
But this time, Heidi didn't let it spiral because she had the tools to cope.
Today, she still enjoys a glass of wine occasionally - but never midweek, and never to escape. She monitors her mood before drinking, knowing how quickly it can shift.
'The biggest thing for me is I wanted to be that confident girl without alcohol who didn't care,' she says.
'If I'm stressed, I won't drink - it makes it worse. I don't need alcohol like I used to. I can go months without a drink.'
Looking back, she is stunned by how far she's come.
'I can't believe how much I used to drink. I've changed so much. Now I feel more like myself than ever before.'
If you or someone you know needs help, the Australian National Alcohol and Other Drug hotline (1800 250 015) provides free and confidential advice about alcohol and other drugs
