We tricked men into falling for us using dark psychology: Yes, it sounds a little evil, but these women swear by the manipulative mind games that turn 'I'm not sure' into 'I do': SEALED SECTION
There's a new trend in the dating world... and it's a little bit sinister.
In the less salubrious corners of the internet, a growing number of people are embracing 'dark psychology' to get ahead in their personal and professional lives.
What is dark psychology? Well, it's not a real science - rather a term some use to describe the human capacity for manipulation and deception.
Basically, the diabolical little tricks that help things go your way.
Back in the Noughties, men in the 'pick-up artist' movement used to exploit certain dark psychology methods to seduce women - think negging, peacocking, etc.
Now, women are joining the trend, but instead of simply trying to get men in bed (which isn't hard!) they are using devilish tactics to 'trick' them into falling in love.
There are thousands of videos, forums and threads dedicated to the feminine art of getting Mr Right to ditch every girl on his roster and only have eyes for you.
Some of the methods are so clever you can't help but stand back and admire them. But others are so damn manipulative I couldn't help but think, 'Gosh... poor guy.'
Women are using dark psychology to 'trick' men into committing to them, writes Jana Hocking
So I asked my female followers if they'd hopped on the dark psychology bandwagon, and it turns out a surprising number of you are modern-day witches!
Are they ethical? Probably not. Do they work? Apparently, yes. Do I recommend using them? Well, I'll let you decide.
The mirror trick
This one seems like an obvious flirting tactic, but practitioners of dark psychology swear by it: consistently mirror your man's body language and he will fall for you.
Lani* told me she got a man she'd been seeing casually to commit to her after using this trick every time they were together.
'If he sipped his drink, I sipped mine straight away. If he crossed his arms, I did the same. I even started using his favourite phrases, laughing the way he laughed. I ordered similar meals,' she said.
'It felt silly at first. But over time he opened up to me more and more. Before long, he was copying me - something he never used to do.
'He dropped the emotional walls and detached attitude that made me feel insecure when we were together. After a month, he was acting like a boyfriend.'
Men are trying to get women into bed, women are trying to make men fall in love
Lani said she literally did nothing different apart from mirror his gestures - but there was a complete change in his behaviour.
She is now convinced it's all about appealing to a man's innate narcissism.
'He kept saying how comfortable and connected he felt. But really, I was just reflecting him back at himself. Trust a man to fall in love with his own reflection!' she laughed.
Why it works: We like people who remind us of ourselves. It feels familiar, safe, intimate. It's a bonding technique used by many psychologists to help their clients open up faster. But the downside of using this technique is that you could lose your own personality in the process.
The magic favour
Natasha* swears by this one.
Men want to feel useful, and they fall in love with women they feel they can help - that is a cornerstone of male psychology that is easily manipulated.
'I asked him to fix a wobbly shelf. He did, and I made him dinner as a thank you,' Natasha explained.
'A week later, I made a passing reference to how I find flat-pack furniture confusing. Lo and behold, the man who would leave me on read suddenly offered to help assemble my new bed frame!'
Was a bed frame too complicated for Natasha to get her pretty little head around? No! But playing the damsel in distress all of a sudden had her flaky fling dropping everything to see her.
'After that, he started offering lifts, cooking, helping with errands,' she added.
Natasha didn't nag him for favours. She would just drop hints and keep saying thank you afterwards like he was a hero. Now they live together.
Why it works: Besides allowing men to feel strong and useful, these small favours build emotional investment. Once someone starts giving their time and energy, they subconsciously feel more connected to the outcome.
The intimacy trap
Sophie* swears by the 'fall in love' psychology game everyone was talking about a few years ago.
'I casually suggested we play that 36 Questions to Fall in Love game from the New York Times article that went viral,' she said.
'We were just a few drinks in, lying on a picnic rug, and I framed it like a fun little bonding activity.
'By question 18 he was opening up about his childhood fears. By the final question, we were sitting in silence, holding eye contact for four minutes. It was intense. Like, weirdly intimate. I could see the shift happen in real time.'
Two days later, he asked her out again and soon they were in a committed relationship.
Why it works: Vulnerability fast-tracks emotional intimacy, even for the most guarded of men, and guided questions give just enough structure to bypass the usual first-date fluff, while still maintaining the illusion it's all just a 'game'.
The jealousy nudge
Zoe* was in limbo. The man she was seeing was being vague and non-committal... like so many men can be in the early stages of dating.
'So I posted an Instagram Story with a good-looking male friend. Nothing scandalous, just enough to stir a little curiosity,' she said.
Within an hour, the man she was dating messaged: 'Who's the guy?' By the end of the week, they were in a relationship.
Why it works: This one is basic stuff. Jealousy can act like a wake-up call. But if you make a habit of it, you'll start to feel like the lead in a never-ending soap opera.
The disappearing act
Going cold on a man who seems to be pulling away is a risky move. You could lose him altogether, but most of the time it forces him to take action.
Maya* was dating a guy who was starting to act disinterested. He would wait for hours before replying to her text messages.
'I didn't confront him. I just vanished for two days. Didn't text, didn't like anything he posted, didn't view his [Instagram] stories,' she explained.
After 48 hours, he cracked.
'He texted me three long messages, said he'd been slammed with work - which may have been true - and asked when he could take me out again.'
Why it works: The sudden absence triggers uncertainty. And in early dating, uncertainty can mimic excitement.
The familiar scent
The tactic used by Steph* was... subtly creepy.
'He mentioned once that his ex who broke his heart used to wear Dior Si perfume. I found something similar and wore it when we met up,' she said.
He told her she reminded him of someone comforting but couldn't quite put his finger on it. 'It was probably his ex. But he didn't know that.'
Why it works: Smell is deeply connected to memory. One whiff and your brain starts linking people to past emotions. Whether that's healthy is another story...
'I vanished for two days. Didn't text, didn't like anything, didn't view his stories' (stock image)
The 'we' shift
Hannah* made one simple change to her vocabulary and two weeks later the man she was seeing casually rolled over in bed and asked, 'Will you be my girlfriend?'
'I'd read something about the "we" shift and how speaking in terms of "us" helps ease a guy into the idea of being in a relationship with you,' she said of the method.
'So, instead of saying "I love that place", I started saying "we'd love that place," "we should try that," "we should eat there".'
Within a week, he was echoing the language. 'He started talking about "our plans" and "us" like it was always a thing. We hadn't even had the exclusivity chat yet.'
Why it works: It's not rocket science. Repeatedly referring to yourselves as a duo makes him start thinking of you as one. He won't even realise it's happening.
While dark psychology has previously been associated with men who want to 'trick' dates into sleeping with them on the first date, women are using similar tactics to get fickle fellas to actually commit to a relationship.
Is it a bit manipulative? Sure. But in a world of Peter Pans who refuse to grow up, and ghosting is considered normal, it's becoming harder for women to find the long-term relationships they are statistically more likely to desire.
So maybe it's not crazy to have a strategy. Maybe it's necessary.
That said, a word of caution: take it too far and you're not building a relationship, you're building a house of cards. No one dreams of a partner who stayed because they were tricked into it.
