Businesswoman who feared leaving her home, couldn't recall simple words and 'just didn't want to be anymore' says doctors ignored her symptoms of 'frightening' condition for YEARS - and made her feel like she was 'faking it'

• e-mail

A woman has revealed how she was ignored by doctors for years after displaying 'frightening' symptoms so severe that she could barely get up in the morning.

'I just didn't want to be anymore,' Tracy Higgs, from Hertfordshire, told the Daily Mail. 'I just didn't know how to be me.'

Likening her state to 'a mushroom', the 55-year-old mother-of-two added: 'I felt like I was in the dark with no light around me at all. I just wanted to shut the door and be left alone.'

Tracy started to experience a swathe of symptoms strongly associated with the menopause, including depression and anxiety, migraines and lack of motivation, around the age of 51.

Yet she was left shocked when her GP, after initially ordering her hormone replacement therapy (HRT) treatment, told her in no uncertain terms that she hadn't reached that specific life stage.

'My doctor told me that my bloods were right and there was nothing wrong, that I wasn't menopausal,' the psychic medium, who regularly appears on television as TJ Higgs, recalled. 

The medic insisted that Tracy wasn't even in peri-menopause (the period that precedes the menopause and is marked by hormone fluctuations), leaving the businesswoman to feel as though she was 'faking' her 'debilitating' symptoms.

However, Tracy would eventually discover, via a private medic online, that she had actually been suffering with the condition from the age of 45. 

Tracy Higgs (pictured), 55, described the menopause as a 'frightening and lonely' time

Anxious, snappy and exhausted, the businesswoman had morphed into a version of herself that was completely unrecognisable to the 'old' Tracy. 

'I had lost my motivation, I didn't even want to have a shower,' she said. 'I had lost myself [and] I didn't know who "she" was.'

Tracy's career had previously taken her round the world on a regular basis but her depression and anxiety had become so debilitating that she was unable to walk out her front gate. 

To make matters worse, she was overcome by a sense of shame, convincing herself that she was 'faking it' despite having 'debilitating' brain fog, which once left her unable to recall the word 'button', and struggling daily with a persistent lack of motivation. 

In addition, Tracy, who was unable to sleep through the night, constantly felt physically and mentally drained. In turn, she was left with no choice but to repeatedly cancel on clients, putting her professional reputation at risk. 

The physical and mental health issues she was experiencing have long been considered 'common' menopausal symptoms by the NHS - while 51 is the average age that women in the UK go through 'the change'.

Tracy said: 'I'd wake up and think, "I can't face a client today, I can't face my work today."

'My clients suffered for that because I didn't want to say, "Oh, it's my menopause", because you always feel like that's not an excuse. I'd just say, "I'm not feeling very well today" or "I've got a migraine today". 

Tracy, pictured on her wedding day, first started to experience menopausal symptoms, including depression and anxiety, at the age of 51

Pictured left when she was feeling particularly depressed, Tracy (pictured right) also experienced migraines and a lack of motivation so all-consuming that she would cancel on clients, risking her professional reputation

'But then it would happen again two weeks later, and I'd think to myself, "but it's not a lie." I didn't want to say I was suffering because I felt like I was failing for feeling like I was suffering. It was just a horrible, horrible loop.' 

Tracy, who has been a medium, psychic, author and public speaker for more than 25 years, was plagued by guilt when she had to let people down at short notice.

Yet when she did take on work commitments, she felt completely depleted and was unable to even talk for the rest of the day. 

'I work spiritually,' she explained. 'If someone's got an appointment with me, there's a lot of hope. They've made a decision, it's very, very emotional, and they're then getting a message at 9 o'clock in the morning to say I have to cancel.

'It wasn't just how I was feeling, it was how I was making other people feel.'

At the same time, Tracy, who had never previously experienced anxiety, 'literally became an anxious person,' waking up every morning with a sense of dread.  

Indeed, her anxiety was so acute that the thought of being with people - even her then-partner (now-husband) Stuart, who she describes as 'a lovely, understanding man' - started to feel impossible. 

The contemporaneous Covid-19 pandemic meant that Tracy, who had relocated to a house by the sea with Stuart, was not required to address audiences or host events, which proved a rare saving grace of the nationwide lockdown. 

Tracy (pictured), who has been a medium, psychic, author and public speaker for more than 25 years, was plagued by guilt when she had to let people down at short notice

Although Tracy (pictured) did take HRT for a period, she has found that regular exercise combined with certain supplements has significantly improved her physical and mental health, while also clearing some of the brain fog 

She recalled: 'I work in theatres, do demonstrations and host workshops, and all I was thinking was, "I just can't do it, I just can't be with people". 

'When you're panicking about things that are just quite natural to you, it does have a knock-on effect. It was a lonely and frightening time.'

That feeling extended to her home life where, for the first time, Tracy found herself snapping at Stuart and not wanting to be near him. Any attempt from him to touch even her hand proved intolerable.

After the couple married when Tracy was 52, she would regularly ask herself how he could possibly want to be with 'a headcase' like her. 

Eventually, she learnt to let Stuart, family members and colleagues know when she hadn't slept or was having a particularly bad day, helping those who loved her understand that they hadn't done anything wrong. 

Without a doctor's diagnosis, and having never been 'educated' about the menopause, least of all about how it affects mood, Tracy was convinced that she'd 'just turned into a b****.'

While Tracy did go back to the GP surgery, a call with her doctor left her so disillusioned that she ended up contacting a private medic online. 

Only then did life slowly start to improve. Tracy's new doctor not only acknowledged her menopause, validating everything that she had been feeling and experiencing, but also set her on the road to feeling more like her old self again. 

Tracy, who eventually sought the help of a private doctor online, has used a combination of HRT, exercise and supplements to help her feel more like herself again 

She even came to understand that the severe premenstrual tension (PMT) she experienced around the age of 45 was probably the peri-menopause. 

Tracy said: 'All these things matched with the perimenopause, but no one used that word for me when I was 45.'

She learnt, for example, that the reduction in estrogen that occurs during the menopause can also affect testosterone levels.

'If your testosterone levels are really low, you have no motivation, you have no get up and go,' Tracy explained. 'If you haven't got that and you don't move, then you end up depressed.'

Having never imagined she'd join a gym, Tracy started exercising for the first time - it helped that one of her sons was a personal trainer. 

She credits her new regimen, which also includes lifting heavy weights for improved bone health, with helping her to 'turn the corner.' 

Although Tracy did take HRT for a period, she has found that regular exercise combined with certain supplements has significantly improved her physical and mental health, while also clearing some of the brain fog. 

Returning to Hertfordshire after a stint by the sea also helped, thanks to greater opportunity for connection within the community. 

Yet, while life is markedly better now, Tracy doesn't believe that she is 'through' the menopause - and not only because her sleep remains a problem.   

'I wouldn't say that I'm back to being "her" - and it sounds like I'm talking about someone who's passed away,' she said. 'I'll never be "her" again but I'm slowly but surely starting to get my confidence back again.'

For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116 123, visit samaritans.org or visit www.thecalmzone.net/get-support