My friends swear this secret unlocked the best sex of their lives... but the mere thought of it repulses my husband: DEAR JANE
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Dear Jane,
My friends and I are very open with each other - nothing is off the table in terms of the topic of conversation.
So, when I confided in them that my husband and I were having trouble in the bedroom, they immediately began offering some X-rated recommendations.
'Why don't you just... communicate?' one of my friends said.
The ladies all agreed, talking with their partners about what they liked, (or didn't), and what they desired in the bedroom drastically improved their sex lives for the better, they said.
Sure, that seemed like common sense to me, but they don't know my husband.
He's quite an introvert, a bit of a nerd and generally uncomfortable when it comes to striking up a conversation about anything remotely related to sex. Needless to say, what does happen between the sheets is quite tame.
I, too, am soft spoken and am often afraid to speak up for myself - which kind of made us the perfect pair, until now.
My conversation with my friends has emboldened me to finally say something, the problem is I just don't know how to do it without making my husband uncomfortable or pushing him away.
I also know that he often agrees to things he doesn't want to do just to appease me, which isn't what I want either.
How do I break it to him that I need more, and how do I do so productively?
Sincerely,
Bedroom Bore
International best-selling author Jane Green offers sage advice on readers' most burning issues in her agony aunt column
Dear Bedroom Bore,
It's natural to turn to our close girlfriends when we're having trouble in our marriages, but they don't always provide the answers we seek.
Our friends will give us advice from their perspective, which isn't necessarily the right advice, or the advice we need.
There is also the issue of privacy - specifically for your husband.
As much as we want to think our friends will be in our lives forever, relationships ebb and change. Revealing our most intimate secrets, particularly when it pertains to our sex lives, is not always wise.
It sounds like your husband would be horrified if he knew you were sharing this with your social circle.
It can be incredibly hard to have these difficult conversations, and often we are not equipped with the right skills to navigate them.
We worry about upsetting those we love, so rather than being upfront and honest, we talk to our friends, or say nothing at all.
But relationships can break down because of a lack of communication, and learning how to do so - even about the most private of topics - is key to any successful partnership.
In short, stop talking to your girlfriends and start telling your husband that you are not fulfilled in your sex life. And perhaps encouraging him to speak with a specialty therapist will help you both.
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