SARAH VINE: Starmer is the Prince Andrew of politics. He not only refuses to acknowledge the mess he's making - he thinks he can persuade us his failing government is in fact a triumph
New term, new Keir. The Prime Minister was in full shiny new pencil case mode this week, gathering the nation’s press to announce ‘Phase Two’ of his government.
It was a bit of a surprise to see him if I’m honest. It’s been a long, hot summer of political turmoil. Yet Sir Keir, the actual Prime Minister, has been nowhere to be found. Plenty of Nigel Farage, even quite a lot of Kemi Badenoch. Rather too much, it has to be said, of Angela Rayner.
Anyway, the PM pulled it off with his customary panache, that is to say with all the authority of a geography supply teacher attempting to control a Year 12 Friday detention class at a third-rate comprehensive.
Come to think of it, if Britain were a school, it would have already been placed in special measures.
The pupils are rioting in the classrooms and the budget is so bust they can barely afford loo roll. But it’s all going to be fine because Sir is back from his long vac and ‘Delivering’.
Miss Reeves, head of maths, will be getting help from a new teaching assistant who, we are told, can even add up. Miss Shafik comes with her own calculator from her previous job and, it’s rumoured, can count to 100 in her head without moving her lips.
Ms Rayner, meanwhile, is busy finalising plans for a brand-new sixth-form toilet block and vaping area, while Mrs Cooper is overseeing an exciting exchange programme, which so far has proved remarkably popular with overseas students. It’s going to be a busy autumn!
As resets go, it’s frankly laughable. As was the self-satisfied solemnity with which the Prime Minister announced all these non-measures. He talked about ‘phase two’ as though phase one – aka the last year or so – had been a roaring success. And not, as even Labour’s staunchest supporters are starting to acknowledge, an unmitigated shambles of epic proportions which has all but brought Britain to her knees.
Maybe the reason we haven’t seen much of Sir Keir is because he’s actually been holidaying on Mars?
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How can he sit there and pretend everything’s fine? ‘Confident and in good spirits’ was how he described the mood. Tell that to the protesters stationed outside migrant hotels; tell that to the families whose rents are soaring, or whose homes are falling in value, or who are being crippled by tax hikes.
Maybe the reason we haven’t seen much of him is because he’s actually been holidaying on Mars?
It’s the whole ‘nothing to see here’ attitude that really grates. The arrogance and the denial. At least the Conservatives were fairly good about acknowledging when they had screwed up, which admittedly they did rather a lot.
But Starmer, he’s like the Prince Andrew of politics. Not only will he not acknowledge the mess he’s making and the damage he’s doing, but he also thinks he can persuade everyone that his Government is, in fact, a triumph.
His Housing Secretary is accused of dodging her council tax (which she denies); the Home Secretary’s ‘one in, one out’ deal is floundering; the Chancellor is about to tax people out of their homes. And yet he acts like none of this has anything to do with him. Like it’s someone else’s problem.
I imagine his advisers are busy telling him that this way he looks tough and in control. Never explain, never apologise, and all that. But this is the 21st century. And he’s not Disraeli.
In reality, he just looks entitled and out of touch, not to mention a bit stupid. Again, rather like Prince Andrew. Except at least Andrew has the excuse that he’s a pampered royal who’s lived his whole life in a bubble of privilege. Starmer is a Labour Prime Minister. He’s supposed to be a man of the people. If he can’t sense the national mood, then who can?
Instead of posturing behind a desk and spouting platitudes, he should be having an honest conversation with the electorate, maybe even one in which he at least acknowledges people’s concerns. Instead, he’s doubling down. It’s not just tin-eared, it’s tin-headed.
Britain doesn’t need a ‘phase two’. It needs a total reset, a complete cultural and political overhaul.
The longer Starmer remains in charge, the less the likelihood of that happening becomes – and the more tensions will continue to rise.
If he had even a scintilla of empathy or self-knowledge, if he even listened slightly to what the electorate is telling him, he might stand a chance of turning this fiasco around. But as it stands, Starmer’s summer of discontent is set to last long into winter.
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